Heartfelt Expressions

This semester I've found an emotional outlet in writing.  For me, it has been a way to work through situations, to understand God better, and to praise Him.  

Normally, I would never even consider sharing my writing with anyone--never mind putting some of it on the Internet!  But I have come to understand that God can use these words to encourage others.  For that, I am putting my fears aside.  

It is my prayer that God will touch your heart as you read.  

* * *

Inspired…finally!

            My mind is racing.

            My thoughts are finally set free to move fluidly from my head to my hand.

            Inspiration hit when I broke my routine,

                        did something new,

                        found my purpose for writing.

            I don’t write for myself

            Who created my mind?

            Who is the keeper of my thoughts?

            Who dwells in my heart?

He is my Audience of One.

I write to honor my Maker.

* * *

I open my eyes and thank God for the new day.

Why did He give it to me?

            He must have more for me.

I go to work and ask God why He brought me here.  I’m not good enough.  How can I possibly serve You here?

            He must have a plan for me.

I lie in bed and cry and ask God why I feel so alone.  What good am I if I feel so lonely and vulnerable?

            He must want me to find my comfort in Him alone.

I get news from the doctor and tell Him I’m scared.  Why am I sick?

He must be teaching me about faith.  He must want me to find my strength in Him alone.

Why does God show me such grace?

            Because He loves me more than I can ever imagine.  He gave me life.

When will I learn how to give my life back to Him?

* * *

worry, anxiety, despair

racing in my head

each trying to outdo the other

Why is this happening to me?

Why do I feel so alone?

Then…a pause…a prayer to my God who holds the world in the palm of His hand.

Surely then He holds me too.

Then His peace washes over me like a flood over a barren land,

Water that bathes my mind and washes away negative thoughts.

Just as suddenly as they set in, the feelings vanish.

My God who holds the world in the palm of His hand

Holds my heart, too.

* * *

For too long…my creativity…my expression was locked up in an attic room. 

In front of the door stood a barrier of busyness. 

The door was chained with exhaustion.

Loneliness, sickness, and self-pity were the old, broken stairs leading to the room.

The longer the room was left unopened, the more excuses piled up in front of it.  The greater the barriers, the more motivation and energy were needed to remove them.

I thank my God that He has the key and the strength, and He cleared the way and opened the door when I couldn’t.

* * *

Inspired by Psalm 104

My Creator, my King

            You made the entire world with Your voice.

            You made it all in six days.

            The sky, the water, the heavenly lights obeyed.

                        …and me?  Do I obey Your voice?

            You spoke, and the animals came into being.

                        …and me?  When You speak, am I as quick to act?

            You caused the mountains to rise up and told the sea to stop.

                        …and me? Do I always hear and heed Your instructions?

You made man and woman in Your image.  You communed daily with them in Paradise.

            …and me? Do I invite You to commune daily?

You are my Creator and my King.

            Does my life show it?

* * *

Prayer without words

How can I pray without any words?

Is it true that God knows my heart so well that I needn’t utter a single word?

Perhaps it’s more about my attitude than rhetoric.

If I act in a selfless manner—where I want all the glory to belong to God—is that a prayer?

For this to work, I need a close, strong relationship with my God.

Then this wordless prayer becomes a silent conversation.

Oh that I could rid my mouth and heart of meaningless words!

* * *

We run from bullies,

              from problems,

              from chaos,

                       scary things,

                       oppressors,

                       violence.

To where do we run?

We all seem to agree on what we’re running from, but not where we’re going.

My God promises me that He is my Hiding Place.

            What do I want in a hiding place?

                        Somewhere that is not too far,

                        where my enemy can’t get me,

                        where I am protected,

                        where I am comfortable.

I can find all these things in the arms of my Savior.

He is my Hiding Place.

When I am with Him, I have nothing to fear.

* * *

It’s all about trust…

            Not just saying, “I trust You, Lord,”

            But actually trusting!

What good is my faith without works?

            None at all…in fact it’s dead.

Life is one leap of faith after another.

The good part is—if my eye is on God, I know I’ll always land in the right place.

* * *

My mind won’t settle.

            Am I waiting for a sign?

            For someone’s approval?
            For someone to take notice?

My thoughts are racing

            but I can’t differentiate one from another.

            They’re all a blur—which is why I feel so unsettled.

Do I feel like I have to have an answer tonight?

Like all the uncertainties I feel must be resolved this moment?

Perhaps that’s a bit too much to ask.

            I’m impatient.

I want instant gratification.

            I have a short attention span.

The Bible speaks of long-suffering.

            That’s exactly what waiting feels like.

            It seems to take too long, and my impatience causes me suffering!

The Psalms tell me to wait on my Lord.

Where is the peace which transcends all understanding?

I can find it in my hiding place.

* * *

You are like a breeze.

I know You’re here, but I can’t see You.

I feel your refreshment when the heat of anxiety feels oppressive.

I hear Your soothing familiar voice as You rustle the leaves.

You are evident in the work that You do—in the movements You cause, in the feelings You bestow.

I need You to wrap Your arms around me, Lord hold me close.

* * *

Holy Spirit

think through me

til your ideas

are my ideas.

-Amy Charmichael

Sometimes I can’t tell which dreams are mine and which are God’s.

            A feeling, a longing, a desire, and itch that I’ve had for years. 

Is it my own idea that I can’t let go of?

or

Is it a desire and dream that God has been growing in me and preparing me for?

Sometimes I’m sure it’s God’s plan.

Sometimes I’m afraid to give it to Him, just in case it’s not.

Sometimes I give it all to Him, knowing that whatever the outcome, it’s for His glory.

Sometimes I doubt.

Lord, I believe.  Help me in my unbelief!