lágrimas

I was never much of a crier before I came to Puerto Rico, but that sure has changed over the past three years.  Maybe it’s the heat or the hormones in the chicken, or maybe I’m just at a new stage in my life. 

My most recent tears started two weeks ago when the grandmother of three of our students was admitted to the hospital with multiple brain tumors.  The tears continued when she passed away and we broke the news to her grandchildren.  Then, there were more at her wake and funeral.  They persist some nights when I lay in bed thinking about what will happen to these precious children now that their primary care-taker (that is an understatement to how important she was to their lives) is gone. 

It seems that all the conversations and prayers around here lately are about departures.  In addition to Abuela’s passing, four of the five staff members are moving on from this place within the next month.  All five of us are facing uncertainties in our futures.  So I find myself crying at the thought of leaving these lovely ladies, these precious children, my wonderful church…and then I cry some more.  

Last year I cried mostly because I was unwell, exhausted, and lonely.  I was quick to list all the things I would never miss about this place.  This year I have been healthy, and I have finally found the sense of community that I was missing before.  Recently, I’ve actually caught myself listing the things that I will miss about this place.  The list is a bit longer than I had once thought it would be.  So there are a few more tears than I anticipated. 

Mostly, I am able to keep my tears between myself and God.  But lately that is becoming more difficult and I find myself shedding them even around other people.  It’s amazing how time changes things.